Horrorscope

I.
Open yourself up to new experiences.
New scary experiences.
New uncomfortable experiences
that can get you wet
and frozen
and might leave you on your feet
– to an extent that might cramp up your legs
not that there’ll be anyone to complain to about it
because the customer support department won’t really exist
because your next experience will be
in HELL or the tri-country area
or something like that.

II.
Try something outside the familiar
like mild amounts of poison:
not enough to kill
but enough to cause discomfort and hallucinations
and possibly demolish certain lesser-used intestines
so you can learn new things about your body
and what you truly value.

III.
Value your body more.
Get sold to slavers
who will then keep the profits
because, after all,
they own you, so they own your property (duh!)
Work for a living
and then a dying.

IV.
Start writing fortunes
for a horroscope company
thus freeing me from this curse
any time now… please?

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