THE SECRET TO A LONG LIFE IS…

You may ask,
“How did you get that incredible body
the amazing vitality,
your spectacular strength?”
And you may wonder,
“How can I be more He?”
Go ahead: wonder.

I will tell you;
the secret
is my special diet.
What makes me so galactic
is the magic of peanuts
in their purest form:
the butter.

Peanut butter
morning, night and noon,
in all it’s myriad forms:
the cookie, the shake
the glorious peanut butter pie
at Renaissance Diner
(patent pending),
this is what makes me what I am today.
And tomorrow.
And next week.

Peanut butter makes me strong.
Peanut butter keeps me invulnerable.
Peanut butter, coursing through my veins
is what will keep me going long after you are all gone.
There is science behind it:
the buttered peanut’s high viscosity
slows down all functions
will maintain me on this orb
for generations longer than you mere folk.

I shall deliver fresh PB&J to your grave sites
as I live forever
in all my glorious goodness.
And you could join me
on my health regime
but I can see
that you do not believe.

I do not mind.
There is only room for the chosen few
on this special smooth barge I ride.
If you are not prepared
for my voyage of a lifetime
then I’m better off alone.

Though I share my secret,
you’ll only partake
if you have the particular craving.