Monthly Archives: December 2011

Speak Honestly

Posted on December 26, 2011 - 11:37 pm by Jonathan Berger

SPEAK HONESTLY Excuse me, sir, but I would like to shake your hand. I have seen you here for but a few minutes but in that time, you have become something of a hero to me. You, as fat, and … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Preternaturally Long

Posted on December 26, 2011 - 11:19 pm by Jonathan Berger

PRETERNATURALLY LONG You are very pretty and so I shall listen to what you have to say. It’s not like you’re model hot. You’re more like super model hot with that uberhuman ability to make blood rush downwards in any … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Another Story

Posted on December 26, 2011 - 10:37 pm by Jonathan Berger

ANOTHER STORY Your idea for a novel is… novel, I guess. I don’t think I’ve heard of it before but, I suspect, there’s a reason for that. How does your narrator learn that his mother is a mantis? Does she … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Zombee Tree

Posted on December 20, 2011 - 12:24 am by Jonathan Berger

ZOMBEE TREE It has taken two thousand years, but the evergreens have learned from our Lord and, three days later, will rise from the dead and return to life. The Christmas trees are coming back to haunt those that cut … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Your Santa

Posted on December 20, 2011 - 12:16 am by Jonathan Berger

YOUR SANTA (after Jon Berger) I want to be your Santa Claus, but I am only some nameless elf, struggling to make something – anything – that will make you happy. I want to be your Santa Claus, but the … Continue reading →

Posted in Christmas | Leave a comment

New Resolutions

Posted on December 19, 2011 - 10:22 pm by Jonathan Berger

NEW RESOLUTIONS I have started my New Year’s Resolutions early so I can break them sooner, and get back to business as usual. There shall be real tuna for the cats this Christmas. None of that vegan shit. It was … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Santa Is

Posted on December 19, 2011 - 10:14 pm by Jonathan Berger

SANTA IS (after Jon Berger) Santa is a dude. Santa is a dark dude. Santa is a dark pinko dude. Santa is a dark pinko surveilling dude. Santa is a dark pinko surveilling dude who judges with a hidden metric. … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Season’s Meetings

Posted on December 17, 2011 - 11:29 pm by Jonathan Berger

SEASON’S MEETINGS What do I want for Christmas? Oh, gosh, that’s really unnecessary. Thank you, but I’d just as soon have peace on earth. But seriously… To celebrate the birth of your god, I think you should give me your … Continue reading →

Posted in Christmas | Leave a comment

X-Mas Theories

Posted on December 17, 2011 - 9:15 pm by Jonathan Berger

X-MAS THEORIES The X stands for the cross he was killed on which is strange since that didn’t happen around this time of year. Neither did his birth, of course. Jesse – his real name. His nom de guerre, at … Continue reading →

Posted in Christmas | Leave a comment

EEE

Posted on December 17, 2011 - 8:16 pm by Jonathan Berger

EEE There’s this movie I was watching, called Blind Lovers about the occularly impaired trying to get it on. Affirmative Action porn. Not a lot was happening in the flick, more like a naked game of Marco Polo which is … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment