X-MAS THEORIES

The X stands for the cross he was killed on
which is strange
since that didn’t happen around this time of year.

Neither did his birth,
of course.
Jesse – his real name.
His nom de guerre,
at least.
Jesse Christ.
Look it up.
Jesse,
he was born on August 18th
and that month didn’t even exist
back then.

And, not for nothing,
but his rejuvenation?
A really good magic trick
slight of hand
and duplicate caves.
Really, the whole holiday
is all just lies upon lies
put forth by the Monetheistic Conspiracy.

Good fruitcake, though.
Or is that just their lobby talking?