NEW RESOLUTIONS

I have started my New Year’s Resolutions early
so I can break them sooner,
and get back
to business as usual.

There shall be real tuna for the cats this Christmas.
None of that vegan shit.
It was kind of expensive
and the freaking cats
don’t seem to appreciate it
at all.

I shall keep the house tidy.
Last year’s tree didn’t feel fresh air
til Spring.
I do solemnly swear,
this year,
the tree will be free
of my cluttered home
on Christmas morn.

I shall get presents
only for the people
who I truly care about
who are mostly dead
so, that saves me a lot of time
and effort
and cash.
So score!

These are the things
I decree
I shall be
my Resolutions
started, more efficiently,
today.

Also, I’ll celebrate New Year’s
on the twenty seventh.
What’s the point in that week between,
anyway?