JUDE LAW COULD

The screenplay that I’m working on
– thanks for asking,
it’s going great –
is about a young boy
nice kid
who’s got everything going for him:
smart, handsome, funny…
Shy.
Quiet.
Bit of an underachiever.
Doesn’t shave quite so often as he should,
but still:
good guy. He’s the hero of the piece.

And he’s about to take the world by typhoon when,
suddenly,
he doesn’t.
The record execs won’t produce his albums,
the casting couches do not welcome him,
his novels, articles and poems never get published.
It’s like
there’s a conspiracy of apathy
around this kid
and the public doesn’t get to adore him
as they really,
rightfully should.

It’s a catastrophe,
sure,
but he rises above it,
going about the day-to-day grind,
sharing his wares
with whomever he can;
going to work
– when he’s not too drunk
or depressed
or unemployed –
behaving like a model citizen
when really,
he’s so much more.

This man is the Everyman;
a man destined for greatness
that had been stolen from his grasp.
It is a crime against nature
and fate
the fall of this man,
this Everyman,
this regular Joe.

That is where the pathos lies
in the first couple acts
until,
like a bolt,
he meets George Clooney
though, really,
it can be any A-list superstar
under studio contract.
I’m flexible.
But Clooney’s got the chops
for the role.
I say we let him do it.

George Clooney
discovers our hero
and gets him a record deal,
a book deal,
and a modeling deal
and he takes on the crowds
who realize,
at last,
what they’d been missing
and they’re sorry
and apologetic
and Elaine finally returns my calls
and –
it all fades into an old-fashioned
Happily Ever After.

Of course,
there’s room for sequels.
I’ve got a couple planned out:
A sci-fi story
and an action flick,
a buddy film
with George Clooney
– or whomever.

I think that Jude Law
could play the star.
He’s a good enough actor
to handle the range of this part.

Anyway,
you wanna read it?