SOLUBLE

Something’s in the water.
Nothing’s in the budget.
Feet flying,
doves crying,
princes of mini-cities dying,
it’s all falling apart.

Something has to be done
but I have a plan.
We shall overcome these end times
if you only listen to me.

Studies show
that ninety percent of the world’s problems
are caused by me
not having enough sex
(Look it up)
which makes it clear
what we need to do:
initiate Operation Berger Toss.

Find a place
and a partner
to do with me
what must be done.
Tensions across regions
will be alleviated,
crises will be averted,
fantasies perverted,
cliched phrases reworded.

It won’t take much;
just a little bit of touch
will resolve what’s wrong
with the world.
Trust me:
I know what must be done
to achieve
the vaginal solution.