I am removing all the married women
from my Facebook feed.
Life’s just too short, you know?
I don’t have time for these uptight bitches
who had the bad taste to marry
– and refuse to fuck anyone but –
their husbands.

I mean, maybe I should give them their due
and check if any of their profiles
show any Likes for Extra-Marital Affairs
or Polygamy For Beginners
or Fucking Fat Dudes.

Perhaps I’ll keep the ladies
who have left promiscuous photos
up on their sites.
I can always use the wank material
even if it doesn’t take me as far as it used to.
The days I used to spend masturbating
are now the seconds I fill with regret.
But
I digress.

I am doing some spring cleaning online
where it will do me the most good.
I will become celibate
– electronically
which is good as the real thing
– virtually.

So if you stop seeing my posts
and my propositions
and my Invites for late-night meetings,
now you’ll know why.
Unless you’d already Blocked me
in which case,
I don’t know what you’ll think
or if you’ll even notice my absence.