When you decided to die
I fell apart.
I didn’t see any reason to go on
for a little bit
and thought about following your lead.
I didn’t have the strength
or the will
or, more likely,
I couldn’t lower my natural predilection for living
enough to change my lifeline’s length
so I lasted through that long day’s journey into suicidal sites
and survived your switchblade stop.

And
eventually, it got easier.
I accepted the absence
and found my frustration eases by days without you
and, finally, decided
that if you wanted to end it,
it might have been a good choice for you
but a shitty choice for those who loved you
so if you needed the coward’s way
the inward better off without you.

So thanks
for that dire departure.
It was a final way to break it off,
but kinda cool
that you didn’t mind
the lack of alternative options.
I’m over it.
It’s just a shame
you won’t get the chance to be, too.