Your facial hair
is a foolish, fallacious failure.
It embarrasses you,
your forefathers
and faithfully warrants you’ll be no one’s forefather yourself.
It’s ugly
is what I’m saying.

Your beard is dumb.
It’s misshapen
and it’s no wonder that its presence keeps you alone
and cold at night.
It’s too wispy to provide you any warmth
– not that you deserve anything more
with that crap on your chin.
Get it off.

I’ve never been one much for fashion
never cared too much
how anyone conducted themselves
so long as they first did no harm
which is why I’m haranguing you about this thing.
Your beard harms all those in your presence
damaging destinies
in whatever vicinity of visibility occurs around you.

It’s a bad state,
that beard is
and
right here
I have ten dollars
to go to a fund
to get you free of it.
I may even know a barber
who will take the case pro bono.
Anyone would be pro-fixing
such a bone heading move.
Get rid of that shit right away.