I left the party
to go for a walk
to clear my head
which means I didn’t see anyone
to talk to
which means I didn’t find
anyone to fuck
which means
I was too intimidated by the whole scene
and got bored standing in the corner
holding up the wall.

But on the street
in that ‘hood
where I walked,
things were different.
I was a king.
I was a panther.
I was itinerant
which means I could live
in my own imagination
which means
I could play pretend.

I chatted with the pizza shop girl
where I ordered a scallion pie
and gave her my number
and carried the pizza back to the party
and waited by the door
as I tried to buzz back in
which means my hands were full
which means I tried to balance too many things
which means
I dropped the pie.

And when I got back upstairs
with the bent and broken box of slices
I presented them to the host
who thanked me for being so thoughtful
and was about to say something else
when she opened the carrier
but I was already heading out the door
to go back to the pizza girl
and anything she had to offer
which means
I quickly got on the train
and headed home
alone.