So
I think this whole thing has gotten a little out of hand
don’t you?
We both said some things
in anger
that maybe we didn’t mean.

I mean
does it really matter
who cut WHOM off
or whose fault it is
or whose mother sucks seminal fluids from retarded children?
Is that really so important?
Isn’t the bigger issue that we’re all human?

I mean,
I have parents
cousins
kids that I tutor,
and I’m sure you have people who care for you, too.

Aren’t we both interested in freedom and peace
prosperity
and Yankees’ victories?
Don’t we really know what matters?

So, look:
if someone has to take the first step,
let it be me.

I’m sorry
if there’s anything I did
that you took offense at
and I’m willing to drop this entire argument
if you are.
Forget about whatever it is we said earlier.
Forget about the damage to our cars
and let insurance deal with it.

If you
are willing
to forego hostilities,
then we can just go on with our lives.
We can go home
watch our favorite shows.
We can relax.
I can get off my knees
and stop begging you not to kill me.

What do you think
of this impartial proposal?