I know you’re all fumious
and everything
and don’t want
to talk about it anymore
but while we’re not speaking
I just want you to remember
the earrings I got you.
They were pretty nice weren’t they
– before you exchanged them?

I bought you nineteen dinners
four lunches
eighty two breakfasts
and over a hundred taxis
– and I don’t even believe in taxis.
I’m a public transportation dude
all the way!

I got you flowers
on those three occasions
and candy fucking countless times.
I mean, sure,
we shared that
but the packaging was all for you.

I visited your parents all those times,
even when your pops called me “unsuitable.”
I sat there and took it
like a man
when I could have left to watch a new episode
of Big Bang.
I stayed
and I’d like
if not full restitution
for all I’ve done
at least some credit.

Think you can offer that?
Do you?
Hello?