You don’t need to tune on-stage.
It’s all right
if you don’t share that part of the process
with all of us.

Thank you for telling me about a gig
that will be competing
against the event we are all at.
Also:
thank you for the flyer
that I did not ask for.

No,
I do not think so.
Your singalong song sucks
and
I will not be singing along.

When you tell me
how you didn’t practice
or finish the song
or you’re really drunk
or all the other advance apologies,
it lets me know
not to bother listening
to your crap.
Your warning is very much appreciated.

When you’re done playing “Hallelujah,”
please stay in one place
so I may most easily
beat you senseless
– more senseless than you were.

Thanks in advance.