My father had serious surgery
soon after I graduated college
and
ever since
I looked at him warily
watching him over
walking on eggshells
worrying over his weaknesses.

I thought he was gonna die
see
and figured it was coming in the short run.

But I graduated college a while ago
and I spent years with the dude
concerned over what might come
instead of what was right there.

I’m not so sure
my choice was wrong
because my fears of his future
made many days in his presence
a gift
that was always surprising.

Sure
I could have gotten over my anxiety
about when he would leave
but maybe it left me appreciating him
more
than the alternative.

Maybe this logic is faulty.
Maybe I’m wrong.
I’d ask my dad what he thought about it
if I could.