It’s not that late
but I’m really tired
and I’m not sure what to do with myself
which is the kind of time
when I’m thinking of you
a sequence that occurs
probably more than it should.

I am tired because I keep myself busy.
I race through the day
to avoid my racing thoughts
and what was once a racing heart.
I am dealing with external things
and keeping the internal
locked up tight.

So when I have ceased to rush
and come back to myself,
that is when you come to mind.
And I wish it were not so.
I wish I could race for more hours
pacing the city
until
exhausted
I reach home and bed as one
and have no waking time
that you can occupy.

But my body can no longer
work so long
without respite.
So the downtime must exist
and
as exhaustion creeps over me
so do the thoughts of you.

You never need know this
in reality.
I can keep this quiet
simply between myself
and the imagined you
I always speak to.