Sometimes
I wish I believed
that I had life-and-death faith
in things larger than myself
– though at my weight
there is precious little
larger than myself.

Still
if I were one to accept things sight unseen
if cynicism wasn’t one of my ideals
if I could absorb truth
instead of needing to understand it
if I were that kind of person
I can’t but believe
that I’d be happier.

Yet
if I were a believer
one of the faithful
one who accepted and absorbed
and swallowed whole cloth stories
of gods and demons
righteous and wrongtious
if I were that sort
what would stop me
from knowing
that only my way was correct
and all others must be stopped
and/or killed?

Perhaps
it is safer
to be one of the faithless
even if I am sometimes joyless.
Today
I feel I must believe this.