For a little while
I hated you with the fire
of three dozen suns.
I’m a little more philosophic
about it now.
You probably just couldn’t help
being a fucking douche.

You couldn’t have known
how much I’d looked forward to that dinner
with the lovely Julia,
but I still didn’t appreciate how,
spying us at that sidewalk cafe,
you just decided to join us.
Who were you to nibble on my chips?
Sure, Julia had invited you
but she couldn’t have meant it.
The dinner was our special time.

I was furious
at your temerity
and the level of comfort
you and Julia shared.
I didn’t even know
you guys knew each other.
Needless to say,
you blocked my advances
and I left alone.
I couldn’t talk to you
for the longest time
– especially considering how polite I’d been to you
so long beforehand.

God, I hated you
but I’ve mostly gotten over it.
You were just too stupid to see
what was going on
and anyway
it’s taken me a while to see
that Julia was probably not the one for me
considering her recent haircut.

So I forgive you
your trespasses
and will allow you
to further darken my doorstep
so long, of course,
you never
ever ever
touch another chip of mine again.