Theodora
Empress of the Byzantines?
Yeah, I knew her.
When she lived with my friend
she was such a bitch.

One time
she brought friends over
even though it was a weeknight
and my friend had to tell all of them
to keep it down
like, six times.
She laughed and made fun of my friend
who had to wake up extra early
the next day
to make Greek Fire
for her husband.
He was exhausted
and got fired
soon after and had to move out of town.

I’d see her at some of the clubs.
She claimed to be into Phish
before it was cool
but I ever saw her
at any of their early gigs.
And she never put in anything
for beer runs.
And when her husband
ordered Belasarius to conquer all of Italy
for the glory of the Byzantines
she didn’t even say thank you.

I didn’t like her very much.
She wasn’t my kind of people.
I never much had much to say
to Theodora
Empress of the Byzantines
but she never lied to me
or lived to vote for Trump
which has got to count for something
right?