You remember that time
when Tara got a little tipsy
and then a little friendly
and I got a little handsy
and you tried to be my conscience
seeking to entreat me not to take her home
even though that was far from my intention
(I’d been hoping
to take her to her place)?

Why on this darkened earth
would you seek to stop me?
All the action I ever get
is based on the mistakes
young drunken girls make.
Why would you take that from me?
After all these years
do you know nothing about me?

It was so long ago
but I remember it still.

Tara didn’t get with me that night,
you know.
I went to the bathroom to think it all over
(and touch myself)
and when I came out
she was going out with Big Sean
which last I heard
was still going on.

They’re with Friends of Bill
I think
out in Connecticut now
so it turned out for the best.
Not for me
of course
but maybe that wasn’t the priority.
It got me thinking about things
and not touching myself in public so much
so thanks for your part in that
thing back then,
I guess.