It was the whiskey
in the jar
that kept the wee-wee
out the hole.
I was paying too much attention
to my alcohol
and not enough on her needs
or even my abilities.

I tried and tried
then cried and cried
as my dick was fried.
I was inebriatedly incompetent
and too drunk to fuck.
I wanted to show her a good time
but had too good a time
earlier in the evening
so we ended up cuddling
until she has to go wash her cat.

I am never drinking again
even though that was the only way
I could get her in the sack
in the first place.

I just wish there was some way
to know when I’ve had too much
other than common sense.