Results of our latest campaign
show a three hundred percent increase
I’m Unnecessary Sales
the largest component on our ongoing successful initiative.

So get happy!!!
We’re going great.
Our profits will rise until Quarter Eight.
Investors’ returns are simply first rate.
At the next board review, we’ll all devastate.

But this
is no time for slacking.
We need to maintain momentum
on this campaign, of course,
to encourage more people
to buy into Unnecessary Purchases.
The more invested they are
in that division
the more invested they will be
in our legacy.