I shot the sheriff before it was cool.
I was masturbating before it was cool.
I danced the Electric Nadelstern before it was cool.
I had gay panic before it was cool.
I was white privilege
liberal guilt
equal opportunity
and artisanal shaving products
– all before they were cool.

I was at the start of the movement.
I invented The Hop.
I endorsed premarital sex
and teenagerism
and socialist doctrine
before anybody else.
Consider me the origin.

I was Patient Zero
of popularly appropriate behavior
in the scene.
I got there first.
I defined the everything
before it sold out
and got compromised
by the man.

It’s not as cool now
as it was back then
when it was fresh and new
and I was alone
in a blank room
doing the Electric Nadelstern
with Eve and the apple.