I am trying to prove
to the tyrannical eight year old
with whom I spend my time
that pears are an offshoot of apples
but the World Wide Web
has proven little to no use to me
in this regard.

What is wrong
with this alleged incredible resource
if it cannot help me prove
whatever point I want to make
on any given day?
With the state of Fake News,
I thought for certain
I’d be able to dig up limitless articles
supporting my thesis
that Mesopotamians genetically engineered the pear
from its kissing cousin, the apple,
but I’ve found nothing so far.

I know I can always put up my own website
– the-truth-about-pears dot biz, perhaps –
staking the claim in my own words
but I just figured,
thanks to one million monkeys,
that it would already be in existence.
How disappointing to discover
that it is not.

The Little Tyrant
will never learn the truth at this rate,
and I may have to eat crow
– and buy her candy –
yet again.