Jimmy Carter is soon to celebrate his 99th birthday.
It’ll be next week, if he makes it.
I pray he does – but not to Jesus,
because he is not as good as Jimmy
since the older JC will soon have circled the sun
three times what JC Junior did.

I know that Lennon got in a little trouble
for saying that the Beatles sold more records than Christ
but what’s the Pope gonna do now:
take Jimmy’s peanut butter ice cream away?
I would hate that.
I love peanut butter ice cream
– especially if there’s some chocolate chunks in it.

(If Reese’s could sponsor this particular piece of heathenomics,
I’d appreciate it!)

Anyway, Jimmy didn’t say anything; I did.
And Jimmy’s the oldest ex-president.
Any punishment he suffers at this point is beside the point.
He lost to Bonzo’s Bedsider and became a construction worker afterward.
And the Pope’ll have nothing on this guy
who is three times the JC
that JC was.

Yeah, I said it.
Pope’s got no power here.
Now let Jimmy rest some more, ey?