That Book of Playboy Cartoons and Jokes does not take up much space on my bookshelf
but it takes up a huge space in my heart.

I don’t know what I was looking for
when I bought it from Barnes & Noble
at twelve years old,
but it came home with me
in a brown paper bag
that wasn’t opened
until I arrived behind my own closed door.

I learned some terms
and concepts from that book
before I was truly ready to embrace them.

There was an altogether different source
of terminology for me, though.
The musical Hair, and its 53-second long opus "Sodomy,"
with its list: "Sodomy, felatio, cunnilingus, pederasty."
A little education went a long way
for a curious mind back then!
But I digress.

The Book of Playboy Cartoons stayed with me
but emotionally and physically
for years to come.
It stayed with me as a source of humor.
It stayed with me as a source of sexism.
It stayed with me as a paperback next to the Michael Moorcock novels.
It stays with me to this day.

Some things just stay with you.
Some things are simply too hard to get rid of.