I’m struggling a bit to remember what I said
back when I went to the psychiatrist
all those years ago
trying to trick him into giving me meds.

Whatever I said
it seemed to work
because he said
“Yeah, you definitely need to be medicated.”
and I suddenly didn’t feel
like I had tricked him at all.

Because of that
I didn’t take him up
on the script he gave me
and I just let it expire
as my brain kind of expired as well.
It was not a great time for me.

I probably gave him some lines like
I wasn’t sleeping well
and I was isolated
and keeping bad hours
and thinking about self-harm.
I’d worked in mental health
so I knew some of the phrases to pull
and also every word I said was true.

I figured coercion would do the trick
bu I ended up being too convincing in the end
and that just kind of bothered me.

I never went back to that doctor
but I’ve been to quite a few since.
Haven’t really talked about the twists and turns
with that first doc.
Maybe I should bring that up some time.
Could be interesting.