The mouse that has for weeks
been fucking with your shit
is now at the bottom of your trash bin.

He’s stuck there.
You’ve got him right where you want him.
What to do?

You first think of torture.
He’s been nibbling at your chips, your oatmeal,
all the things that you leave out,
you can’t leave out no more
and that’s thanks to this guy.
You wanna punish him for changing the rules
and making you feel unsafe in your home.

But then you think that maybe you should be cleaner,
and this was probably a wake-up call,
and mutilating mouses isn’t really your way
and maybe just spraying him with insecticide
will do the trick.

Of course, it’s not rodenticide,
so you wonder if you have the right amount
to do the job, and maybe spraying so much
into the bin would make you cough up a lung
so maybe it would be easier to just carry the bin
away from the house and let him out.

But what if he comes back,
and thinks this is all a game?
There have to be real repercussions,
or else what are we doing here?
You run a Law and Order kitchen, don’t you?

Maybe you should shake the can
before tossing Mister Mouse away
somewhere far off
but what if he’s left with brain damage?
How would you know that for sure?

Decisions, decisions…
You look again
and the mouse has just about
eaten his way through the plastic
at the bottom of the bin.
If you’re not careful, he’ll –
yeah, he escaped.

Well, you’ve got all the options to consider next time,
if you ever catch him again.
Unless it’s a her.
What are your thoughts
on female prisoners?