As the Season progresses
to its natural endgame
and you check my letter
for its necessary requests,
please be aware
that I require very little of you this year,
kind sir and generous giver
to an inestimable number
of undeserving youths.

Still, if you find the time
and have the willingness,
I’d be ever-so-appreciative
if you found it in your heart
to go out and provide me
with the following gift,
should you have opportunity
and the generosity of spirit.

If you do, then would you get me a golder toilet
– a toilet made of gold
only moreso?

That is all I think I need:
a water receptacle
of the shiniest precious metal
to be beloved by me
and kept forever treasured
until another’s goldest toilet
is found and appreciated more.

Could you and your crew please bring it,
and soon?
Thank you ever so, Sir Nicholas.
I’ll be your servant until your respond,
etc. and on, et al.