There may be people I fucked over before S.

Nope. Can’t think of them.
I thought he was the coolest cat in the geek school
where there were no cool cats around whatsoever
and I befriended him
and he befriended me
and we did incredibly stupid things
like say, "Hey Jon! Let’s go get a pizza
and throw it at somebody!"

I didn’t say that. S. did.

We thought we were funny
and maybe we were.
Standards were low.

I’d been real lonely in Junior High
when I went to a school where I didn’t know nobody
and though high school had more familiar faces
I made an immediate effort
not to be alone
so I might have been pushy with S.
We spent a lot of time together.

He was my best friend
but when he said it,
"You’re my best friend,"
I ran away.
I built distance.
I stopped sleeping over.
I found other people to endear.

I couldn’t explain why then
though it seems clearer today.
Who doesn’t love the chase?
Over the year
we developed a new balance
where we weren’t quite so close
though I liked him fine
and then next year
I saw how cool S. was.

Everyone was laughing at his jokes!
His impressions were dead on!
His hair was weird – in a good way!
Damn, S. was one cool cat!
The chase, again, was on.

Luckily,
I had made it so
that I would never quite
be able to catch S. again.