You may ask me why I’m such a lonely guy.
Despite everything I have, I can only reply,
“I’ve got my reasons. Through all the seasons
I find myself alone.
“Whether intimate or polite at the end of the night
in the the din of dawn’s returning light,
I opt never to bone.”

I didn’t fuck her because I’m too fat.
I didn’t fuck her because she was too young.
I didn’t fuck her because of that old Marxist conundrum:
“Never enter a club who’d have you as a member.”
And this member has not entered anything
in quite some time.

I didn’t fuck her because it’s too messy.
I didn’t fuck her because I’m so pure.
I didn’t fuck her since the stars are unaligned,
her bones are too fine, we’re out of red wine,
I’m much too demure.

I’m not prepared. I don’t remember how.
I couldn’t tell you where. She didn’t sign the papers
or provide explicit authorization in the affirmative.
I’m not sure if the strategies I knew are even up to date at this point.
What if there are new developments that I haven’t heard of?
There ARE new developments that I haven’t heard of?
Do they have ridiculous names like the Macarena Clyde
or the Higgledy Piggledy Eight?
EXACTLY like that?
I knew it!

That’s why I didn’t fuck her!
I didn’t fuck her ‘cause it wasn’t the time.
I didn’t fuck her since she wasn’t mine to fuck.
I didn’t fuck her as we hadn’t agreed.
I didn’t fuck her; I just spilled my seed on me.