It’s true. I think about you
so much less than I used to.
The chemicals help.
I have drugged myself senseless
so I don’t think the way I used to
so the things that once would drag me down
are no longer much of an impediment in my day to day.
You are little more than an afterthought
but then again
so many other things
have been swept aside as well
like, uh… well…
see…
I guess my attention span
is one of the things that I’ve lost lately, huh.
But it’s worth it.
I’m better off now than I used to be
I know that.
Or… I think I am, at least.
How would I be able to know… for sure?

I wake up groggy now and morning wood is more like
a morning stick that’s easy to snap
or better – butter that melts away in the morning sun.
Which I guess is easier than the alternative.
Who has time for that kind of a distraction
when you’ve got to get ready for work
and become a good citizen,
when you’re so groggy in the morning?
It’s a hassle just to wrestle yourself into shape.
I’m glad there are no interruptions.

I wouldn’t say I’m happier now
but I’m settled, you know?
Everything is on an even course.
I don’t get those wild fits of fancy
that kept me up all hours,
calling you pre-dawn
yelling, asking you over and over again
why the ducks didn’t come to Central Park anymore
or if Robert McCloskey was still alive
– I looked it up. He isn’t. Not for a long while. Silly question really.
Anyway, I’m in better shape now, steadier.
Balanced. The highs may be lower,
but the lows are much higher,
so there’s that.
And anyway…
anyway….
what was I saying?