It proved to be a regular process;when I found I had to call Jennifer for homework
I first had to conquer my labored breathing,
calm the blood racing past my ears
make sure I’d spent some time in the bathroom
and prepped a couple of sentences.
Not exactly practiced saying anything,
but planned out possible subjects
other than asking what Dr. Blake wanted us to do in class.

Even thinking about making the call now
is building the anxiety
and I know she hasn’t usedthe number for decades now.
(I’ve checked!)

Every call to that Junior
that meant everything to me
set off a series of nervous explosions in me
– and she was always pleasant,
always kind. She never seemed interested,
but was never hurtful.
I appreciate that.

I don’t know the number of pounds
I lost in reaching out to Jennifer
in high school.
It wasn’t enough.