Death versus argyle:
who would win?

Kumquats versus Schenectady:
who would win?

The Who versus “With a Little Help From My Friends”:
who would win?
What if it was the Joe Cocker version?

Joe Cocker versus the Cocteau Twins:
who would win?

ABBA versus Dear Abby:
who would win?

The French Foreign Legion versus Animaniacs:
who would win?

Ice cream sundaes versus Sunday:
who would win?

Winning versus Juan, my friend in Eighth Grade:
who would win?
(All right: obviously winning always wins,
but who comes in in second place?
{Yeah, that’s a trick question, too…})

Batman versus Owlman:
who would win?
Which version?