Before we go any further, however I fit into your plans,
I feel it my duty to warn you: I am a bad man.
I do things a little bit evil. I scheme just a little bit every day.
If people do not agree with my whims, I tend to blow them away.

You should know what you’re getting into. You have a right to bow out now.
Except that it’s very too late for you. You’re a slave to my scheme. This I vow.
Ha ha haha haha ha, ha ha haha ha!
Ha ha haha haha ha, ha ha haha HA!

I’m a dastardly Dan without equal! I commit my worst crimes every night!
And I do all these things while I’m stealing the rings of the widows and orphans I fright-en.
There are few who recall me sans scowling, or shuddering while saving themselves
which gives me a chance to take an advance on what they might have on their shelves!

Yes, some might have called me Space Outlaw, or others the Pompatus of Love
but I won both those phrases since Miller always raises when he’s got a deuce or above.
So try to escape my clutches. You’ll find, my dear, that you can’t.
You’ll be with me always, and find that on all days, you’ll be forced to listen to rants!

Of my genius and cruelty you’ll learn more. Of my treachery and lackeys, as well.
And I hope in that time, you will aid in my crimes, and eventually, befall under spell.
Until that time, I’ll keep you prisoner, a servant right here in my hold.
So as we while these decades away: darling, why are you so cold?

I’m an evil miscreant wrongdoer! Each day I’m the worst I’ve yet been!
But still I cannot help wondering aloud: honey, must you be so mean?
Ha ha haha haha ha, ha ha haha ha!
Ha ha haha haha ha, no, seriously, it’s getting me down.