As I walk toward her,
I know I’m about to fuck it up.
I don’t know what I’ll do wrong
but I know that my energy is all wrong now
and I know what happened.

Knowledge is the enemy.

When I started talking to this beauty
at the cafe, I was loose, ambivalent.
No expectations.
I mean, she was out of my range,
but I always think that; what else is new?

But we had so many similar touchpoints:
we liked the same writers, the same musicians.
Her cousin went to my college,
so she knew what I was talking about.
I did a film shoot at her college,
so I’d totally blacked out what she was talking about.
We’d really gotten along.

Then I went to the bathroom and did a search
and discovered that she is so much cooler than she seemed.
She is way out of my league.
I looked her up to seed some information into further conversation,
but how do I just mention “Olympic Bronze”
or “Publishing darling”?

I had offered to take her out for hot chocolate.
She should pay for the hot chocolate!

When I get back to the table
I am going to say something so awkward
almost immediately.
I feel so stiff and unnatural.

This is going to be disastrous…