I don’t dwell on it
but I worry a bit about my sexual thoughts
and how they’re probably deviant
but then
maybe everyone’s sexual thoughts are deviant
but then again
if everyone’s sexual thoughts are deviant
wouldn’t that make no one’s thoughts deviant?

I think they’re probably vanilla
but unhealthy.
Hurtful. Controlling.
Like I don’t have control in my life
so I want to dominate others.

But I’m a white middle class male.
Why would I think I don’t have control?
What base hypocrisy is this?

Maybe I should shut up about my sexual thoughts
and keep my deviance quiet
so nobody hears about this
ever.