Well, I certainly hope you’re proud of yourself.

Look.
LOOK! There are comic books to be read
videos to watch
tweets to be liked
– or, I don’t know, xeets?

You are falling behind.

You HAVE fallen behind.
You are definitely off your game here
because your priorities are absolutely fucked right now.
So get in the game
and luxuriate the way you’re supposed
and don’t respond
until you’ve had one hundred cookies,
do you hear me?