On the Planet of the Eights on a deep blue sea.
This may not be the place for me.
Perhaps I belong on the planet of the Threes
where I might reside more naturally
but here I float, crooked and free
where I land as they stare at me uneasily.
I introduce myself through weird goatee.
They ain’t all models, but they’re a sight to see.

The people on the planet, they all look good.
They’re not quite perfect, but it’s understood
their imperfections will all reach a state
of minor inconvenience then dissipate – then they all look great.
I’m a minor celeb for a little while.
My shape is weird, but they like my style.
I’m an interesting figure so I get good press
then I fade from the scene and must quiesce.

I am lost on the Planet of the Eights!
They can all find more attractive mates!
I’ve got prospects for lots of hot dates!
My sexual opportunities are going great!
I am lost on the Planet of the Eights!

Can I stay in this place? Should I go?
My Clash tape won’t answer me Yes or No.
No decision is coming on my own
so I opt for chance to tell by flipping a stone.
Rough side leaves, and stay with the smooth side.
And then I figure out about taking the ride
off the planet, if I have the need
– which I have to since both sides had been keyed.

So I’m looking for a spaceship off this world
to get me safely to a place where Fives can be curled
up with their Six girlfriends safely in their beds
and not worry about being beat out every day instead.
I sneak out to their Space Station Dock
and I say, "Hey. Look over there!" and then I just sock!
the guard. He really takes it easy cuz he’s dumb.
They all are here. That’s life for Eights. It’s how it goes, it comes.

Now I’m escaping the Planet of the Eights!
They can live on in their ignorance of always lifting weights!
I’ll be home soon, eating carb-filled plates
back in my own United States
and I’ll be free from the Planet of the Eights!