You will just have to trust me on this:I am a man and I have been around mustaches before.
Yours is not a good mustache.
Yours is the opposite of good.
Yours may very well be evil.
It certainly does not have your best interests at heart
and I think wishes to do you ill.

I would very much advise you
divorcing yourself from that thing
at the earliest opportunity.

If there is a chance to do it sooner,
I would take that chance.
Jump on that chance,
and thank it for the privilege.

Your mustache is a misery upon the world.
No offense.