By the time she had left
she’d already been gone a while.
Without really thinking about it,
I’d kind of mourned her already.

She had just stopped talking to me.
After I had funded her move to New York,
she stopped returning my calls
and most of my emails.
after a couple of weeks of hurt,
I’d moved on to annoyance
and then a bit of exhaustion.
It was a pretty quick transition.

After I’d moved on,
she’d written to say she moved back
from where she’d come from
and my grieving process began again.
It sped up this time,
since I’d experienced it so recently
– and anyway, it wasn’t the first time
with this lady, anyhow.

I’d been used to disappointments from her
for a long time before.

Most of the disappointments
I deserved.
If you don’t ask for something,
it’s really unfair to be upset
with someone when they don’t give it you.
I hadn’t done my due diligence
to get what I wanted
so I had no one to blame
if she hadn’t provided me her love
or even her presence
when I came to visit.
What should I expect?

Nothing.
That’s what I’d get
from this point on.