Hi from me in the future.
I just wanted to reach out to you back then and say,
“You’re really fucking it up.
Don’t do that. The fate of me lies in your hands,
and if you don’t change course,
the universe, too!”

Kidding. Who knows how this time travel stuff works?
I just got this shade wormhole to reach out to me, and I thought I’d give it a shot. Anyhoo…
Maybe thought I could provide some words of wisdom
from some time coming up. You can take it all with a grain of salt.
After all, what do I know? It’s only the goddamn FUTURE, after all!?!

So: Sweat the small stuff. It all counts, and you won’t know what specific issue
is going to prove especially important until it smacks you straight in the gut fifteen hours later.
Remember that thing with the Milk of Magnesia?
Maybe that hasn’t happened yet. Don’t worry about it. Moving on…
Think about your limitations, and be sure to always stay within them.
If you ever seek to stretch, failure is all there is. Trust me: I’ve seen the future
and I know what will be.

Find love wherever you can
but make love only with state-mandated partners.
If that’s not a thing yet, just wait a few weeks. It’ll be coming soon enough.
If you still believe you’re one hundred percent heterosexual,
you might as well start practicing otherwise, for the state-enforced gay stuff.
It’s six months away, tops.

Let’s see… climb every mountain…
look at beautiful paintings in their natural habitat…
only burn them if the voices are insistent…
tofu scrambles on third Sundays can be fatal…
That might be everything!

All right, looks like you’ve got the total download now.
Good luck, me,
Can’t wait to be you
February after next.