Have you tried doing with less?
So you already have nothing,
but have you considered going down to half of nothing?
Perhaps selling the other half for collateral
for a sweet business venture?
You could sell it on the street under the title
Sweet Nothing(s), LLC, Trademark Pending.
The parenthesis is because you only have one sweet nothing
at the current time.

Once they start to sell,
you can build up a stock
and start going door to door,
like they did in the old days.
After that starts going well, you can open up a mom & pop shop,
then start selling to cops, and bell-hops and mop-salesmen
and everyone else.
Your place will be going bonkers in no time!
Soon you can franchise,
and maybe hire your grandma part-time
and put a gag order on her,
so she won’t give you anymore trouble,
even if she is dead.