Look out, citizens! Beware, scofflaws!
It’s the Sanctioned Individual,
to stop you from committing crimes against the state!

If you cross the street or spit improperly
or have sex outside the appropriately delineated means
according to laws not updated in three centuries,
the Sanctioned Individual is there to put a stop
to your heinous actions and set you straight in a matter of moments!

The Sanctioned Individual stops bribes on a dime!
The Sanctioned Individual helps Girl Scouts, every time!
The Sanctioned Individual is good to the last drop.
The Sanctioned Individual; when you can’t find a cop.

Yes, the Sanctioned Individual is the hero of the times
when you want a state-supported male-like figure,
but don’t need to know his identity,
and are uncomfortable with the power dynamics displayed
by most police in this day and age.
The Sanctioned Individual does not use firearms,
though his level of hand-to-hand violence may prove
just as diabolical in the long run.

If you have crime
– or just a little free will –
in your heart,
beware the Sanctioned Individual!