Dan Perino needs your love.
You’re the one he’s thinking of
if you are a girl five four
and you haven’t been a whore
since at least Two K eighteen
and your tests all come back clean
and you like an artist whom
still plays one-man shooter Doom
after a long day of paint
or behaviors just as quaint.

If you are just such a chick
and would like to be the pick
of a Dan Perino guy
then please just send a text to I
at my Dan Perino phone
In hopes of being Danny’s own.
I hope that we can soon connect
and then begin to have the sect
(that’s a single unit of sex, you know,
if you had, before, been pro).

And what will you get from one like Dan?
Nothing but a loving man
who can offer loving love
and whate’er you’re dreaming of:
like roses every other year
or an occasional beer
or a ride in my new Camry
or anything else that you can see
on the fourth prize shelf, the far end.
Just say you’ll be my girlfriend.