Author Archives: Jonathan Berger

Once this was the fattest I’d been. Now it’s the thinnest I’ve been (not really, but… y’know). It’s all about context. Over twenty years ago I was just slightly heavier than my current weight. It was probably my greatest weight … Continue reading →

I used to feel much more betrayed in most of my close friendships before I uncovered my inner shallowity. Since that discovery, though, things have run far more smoothly. People used to fail to live up to my unspoken expectations. … Continue reading →

He remembered how, at the start, he thought this would be a good time for his creativity. He smiled a sad little smile, thinking back on his naivete as he dodged a flying monkey at the edge of a cliff.

It’s true. I think about you so much less than I used to. The chemicals help. I have drugged myself senseless so I don’t think the way I used to so the things that once would drag me down are … Continue reading →

Never meet your idols or if you do have something to say to them, for gods’ sakes. Don’t just murmur, “I really loved your work in Three’s Company, Mister Roper,” with your eyes on your shoes and your mouth dry … Continue reading →

This is ridiculous. I should have deleted these long ago lest some mastermind steal these gems of genius! I have uncovered a Notes File from Yesteryear where I logged all my best and most transient ideas before I could forget … Continue reading →

As evergreen corpses riddle the streets I think of the sturdy model standing tall in my mother’s home, collected, resolved, prepared to do our bidding throughout this season – and longer. Sick of the cycle of torture of trees, we … Continue reading →

Is it the chocolates I ate? Upset stomach! Did I start sleep too late? Upset stomach! Too much raisins or dates? Upset stomach! It must be veggies I hate! Upset stomach! Upset stomach! UPSET STOMACH TONIGHT! Turn it up one! … Continue reading →

You may ask me why I’m such a lonely guy. Despite everything I have, I can only reply, “I’ve got my reasons. Through all the seasons I find myself alone. “Whether intimate or polite at the end of the night … Continue reading →

It’s been a while since the Big One, back when I did that unholy mathematic workout, producing the number of poems of the day of the month. So: three pieces on the third, eight pieces on the eight, seventeen pieces … Continue reading →