Author Archives: Jonathan Berger

CHICKEN WINGS Oh, fuck! Look outside. Witness the wonder. Experience the puffy clouds the sunny sun the sheer aching glory of this cock-smashingly gorgeous day. This is not a day for arguments with associate – spirited and cantankerous they may … Continue reading →

STORM CLOUDS I have grown to love the rainy days when I can take off my shoes and slacks and exclaim sadly: “I can’t make it into the office today. Damn.” My employees understand just how difficult it can be; … Continue reading →

HER BASSIST She is in love with her bassist who has been married for six years. She quietly suspects the itch will come down soon and he will look to her to scratch it. She says nothing of this to … Continue reading →

Evelyn, dammit You were supposed to wait for me. You were supposed to be mine. You were gonna explore the world for a bit innocently, chaste while I remained at home, dutiful, damaged, and dreaming of your return. You were … Continue reading →

No, I really do not want to talk about it. Forget I said anything. It’s not important. The number of poems and songs I’ve written about your girlfriend is irrelevant. So are the stories and drawings and photos and films. … Continue reading →

Dammit, Ray, why you gotta do that? Why would you tell me something do patently untrue? You gave assurances; you swore it would happen. I was promised a coon. A big fat coon that would come bumbling in on all … Continue reading →

CRIMES OF LARRY I wanted to apologize to you for the way I behaved last year when I was drunk and stupid and so much less mature than I have since become. I didn’t realize how poorly I treated you, … Continue reading →

It is possible in retrospect after some consideration that I was not the greatest of guests when I stayed on your couch for those three months last spring. I have talked it over with advice columnists and gurus and we … Continue reading →