jonberger

One job I had, I was working with a temp
and I was showing him the ropes.
I was providing instructions and scripting
for tech support emails
to him.

"While you’re getting used to it," I said,
"Hold off on sending mail out without me reviewing them first."

A couple hours later I was looking over some responses
to emails that had gone out.
Turns out he had skipped my review process
and one correspondence (at least) miscommunicated some info.
"Maybe he misunderstood," I thought,
but then I thought about what I relayed to him
and there was really no way for my instructions to have been lost.

I had to bring it up with our boss
who made the decision that he wasn’t living up to expectations
and didn’t need to come back
so the temp agency sent someone new.

I did that.
I held the power of life and death for this temp in that office.

Years later, I myself was fired from there
so the circle of life went round and round.
Good for me.

If you take a couple of seconds to search "ass in nine"
you’ll find that several fine artists
(let’s take "fine" with a grain of salt)
have illustrated donkeys with or near the number nine.

Sometimes it’s sculpture, sometimes it’s painting.
Always it’s punny.
It never takes much to find these works of art
(let’s take "work" with a grain of salt).
Just some basic web-searching.

The results are
the correctly-spelled version
of the initial search.

As the diet get thrown out the window
along with the resolutions
I’m looking for some half-ass
to replace the full-ass ass
that is growing at a prodigious rate
at this time.

If anyone sees any on Maude’s List
or Gargle or any such place things could be found
send ’em my way.

Much appreciated!

• Bribe bullies.
• Hypnotize yourself into martial arts mastery!
• Befriend mean girls in JHS who will skewer your enemies at any age.
• Time machine to throw pies in opponents’ faces before they ever met you.
• AI dance moves,
• Become celebrity and lord it over other people.
• If these don’t work, you’re gonna need some whole-assed ideas to see you through.

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life,
do dangerous things that will provide short-term satisfaction.
High-risk pleasurable activities
will yield immediate returns
with the greatest chance of
completing the culmination of your years
so it’ll all be over in a hurry.

Enjoy today, end tomorrow.
Everything’s gravy (assuming you like gravy, of course).

Food for thought, eh?

If you rush, you’ll get things done.
The quality’ll be questionable,
but perfection has always been the enemy of good
and good has always been good enough
so if you want a mediocre accomplishment completed,
speed through.

That’s my quickie advice to you.

What I think is a good idea
is if I build something
that everybody needs.

I think that should definitely
be a plan
to consider
if I come up
with a necessary thing
that simply everyone wants to buy.

This seems like a system that cannot lose.

All I need is the thing that the world needs
evidence that the world needs it
proof of concept from the world
the correct price point
and investment capital.

Maybe the way to make it, too.

But the idea about the idea…
I think I’m off to a good start.

I’ve been peeping around
looking to see if there’s anywhere
I could find a place
where my qualifications could find a use
if anyone could find a use for me.

It would be good to be useful.
It has been over thirty hours
and I would like to be useful again.
Brother, please,
can you spare a need?

Just need me for something.
That’s all I ask
all I need.
Just a little something
please.

My room-mate says, "At last I can turn the advice
you have provided me
on its ear:
‘Look for the work
that you want to do.’"
Then he goes out,
presumably to do
the sort of work he wants to do.
I should ask at some point.

But what do I want to do?
I’d love to write
but who would pay
for this sort of self-indulgent claptrap?
I would pay me for it
but not another!
And I’m much too cheap
to pay me a living wage, anyway.

So maybe just talk faster
and assume people are already paying for it?
That could work.
Just sneak the charge in already.
Maybe that’s how to make the millions.
But would anyone buy it?

Time will tell.

Perhaps you should get a job listening to music you love,
just grooving to tunes
and being asked if you like them.

You could also expand your responsibilities
to reading books and comics
and being asked if you like them.
You don’t have to write extensive essays
about why you like or dislike them.
This is not a critical assignment
that is being brought before you
just a gut check.
Maybe electrodes are set across you
and your reactions are tested.

Movies and plays too!
And what about foods?
You could consume whatever substances you would like
and see if you actually like them
so we could see if others like you
could like them, too.

Except
what if nobody is like you?

Haven’t you always prided yourself
on your nonconformity?
Perhaps you are too unique
for this position.
If only you were more common.

Then we could find use for you.