jonberger

We, the victors, declare that we have won.
It wasn’t, like, even close.
We beat the other folks, hitherto to be known as “youse guys,”
soundly and roundly
and with indelible ease.

If you look at the scores on the battle,
you’ll see that on elegance, parades,
and uniforms,
it was a virtual sweep for our side,
even if the minor issue of battles
might have been harder to resolve quite so cleanly.

It does look like youse guys took us in combat, yes.
“Rout” could be used, I suppose,
but I prefer the term “one-sided tie.”

Still, we, the victors, will allow your submission at this point.
We look forward to the fax at your earliest convenience.

Behind. Get ready
to massively write haiku
for all of the night.

Diana, Vegan,
offering moral support.
“Also writing lines!”

the comedian
corrects me, right at my side.
When she’s right, she’s right.

I’m going down to Madison Ave.
I have a plan to give it all I have.
If it don’t work out, at least I’ll get a fine epigraph.

I’ve got a chance to perform for all the execs.
They’ll see me, hear me, for a couple of full sets.
Those promotional people will experience my appeal with the sex!

You know I will not waste this opportunity;
this chance to succeed is not wasted on me.
It’s my last freakin’ possibility – for liberty.

Goddamn! I punked it when I got to Mad Avenue.
It looked like I had no idea what to do.
My performance was like I got beaten black and blue.

Oh God, the next time I go to an Avenue so Mad,
I will try to be prepared so I don’t end up so sad
and come up with results that might leave me somewhat more glad.

The green stuff you keep trying to feed me…what’s with that?
What do you expect me to do with that?
It’s slimy!
The way it just slides around on the plate,
it’s weird.
I can’t believe you think this is consumable
by human forms.

And healthy?
Really?
How does that work out?
I’m finding it hard to imagine that these pieces could possibly work out to be good for anybody.
Really, this… salad thing seems just like a bad time, all around.

In a past life, I was a Bluetooth printer.
I don’t think it was a very good one.
Couldn’t have been that long ago,
or maybe time isn’t sequential like that.
Not quite sure.

Anyway, I printed personal items for a family,
I believe,
and then random people started printing
because they didn’t protect access.
No one could get the printouts, though.
Weird.
Strange life.
I wouldn’t recommend it.

Maybe next time, I can be a sailboat!

She lay hands on me
and energy coursed through.
I lay there
prone on the bed,
hoping for a healing.

My back had bothered me
aching and squirming
making me curve
a little past forever.

Diane had offered a possible solution.
I’d never tried reiki, but
I was happy to look into any kind of technique that could offer relief.
So here she was in my apartment,
feeling me up,
pouring herself into me.

I could definitely feel something.
Soon enough, I was snoring.

When I came to,
I thought my back felt better,
but I wasn’t sure.
I couldn’t do handstands or anything,
but that was nothing new.

“I could tell you were comfortable,” Diane said, “When you farted.”
“Oh,” I was mortified.
“I took it as a good sign.” She went on,
“that the treatment was working.”

I thanked her for her work.

I haven’t been reiki’d since.

Even at my advanced years
(It’s rude to ask a gentleman his age),
I still find I like to speed through things,
rather than enjoy the ride.

It’s the journey, they say,
and I do like a road trip,
but I also like to arrive.
I want to make good time.
I want to be efficient;
I don’t want to dilly dally,
even if the dallying is why I’ve gone off
in the first place.

Smelling the roses, may be the point,
after all,
and what is poetry
but taking a moment
to notice the small things?

My mother said she has never ridden a roller coaster.

I have almost never ridden a roller coaster.
I didn’t realize that was an inherited trait.
That shit is scary.
I don’t know what my father’s position was on such things.
I suspect he was coaster agnostic;
no strong opinions either way.
Since It’s a little late to get verification,
I’ll have to live without the knowledge.

I’m a little surprised that Mom didn’t have a terrifying ride experience
to discover that she didn’t like them.
I went to DisneyLand and realized, “I don’t need to do that again.”

Perhaps I should investigate her story
a little more closely.

Find what you care about.
Learn to disregard it.
Discover how to destroy it.
Enact.
Repeat.
Enjoy.

The lines are long
the patience is short
the staff is nice
the neighborhood’s not.

Device battery power remains insuffien