jonberger

No! No,
it just won’t work.
I tried to make it a Ferrari
and then a pig.
I considered a couch
a song
and a paramecium
but none of them fit the role
I wanted them to inhabit
in that particular turn of phrase
in the poem.

Writing is hard, guys
and I don’t think I’ve been presenting
just how hard it can be.
Normally
I give the impression
that it’s fucking effortless
so you get misled
but coming up with the right phrase?
Making sure your central theme at the start
is fully executed by the end?
It can really take a lot out of you.

I’m good
but I’m not perfect, you know?
Like…
a car in a pig’s couch?
a donut for paramecia?
I’ll get it eventually.

I should have wished you a happy birthday.
I should have sent a card.
I should have called
or come over
or had some order delivered
so you’d know I care.

I should have done something.
I should have shown appreciation.
I should have provided a token
of some sort
expressing myself.
I can’t believe
that I had this opportunity
and I failed to realize it.
I should have given you
something.

I’m sorry.
I’ll do better.
I’ll make restitution.
I’ll do something great
this time next year.
All I ask
if for a little patience.
Can you give me that
at least?

He doesn’t want you anymore
not like he used to
not in that way.
Those emotions you once shared
are transformed now
into something different.

I cannot tell you
precisely the words he uses to describe you
but they are quite distinct
from the phases you choose.
Suffice for to say
he’s not into you anymore.
It’s been too long.

That’s the bad news.
The good news is
this information should free you
of your current crushes.
Now
you ought to be able to
end that emotional attachment
and form new ones
better ones
with better people.

We could discuss possible candidates
over drinks
whenever you feel ready.

Justin Remer tells me
that in calendar 2016
“Americans will have spent seven zillion dollars
(estimated)”
in the name of Valentine’s Day.

Saint Valentine would be proud
but Remer has also informed
that Valentine had long been in the pocket
of Big Candy
and Big Card.

I do not want
my hard earned seven zillion
to go toward funding
such disreputable industries.
I say “fie”
to those traditions of conspiracy.
No flowers
no dinners
no boxed chocolates
shall be bought or distributed.
No romantic poems
or even the pornographic kind
shall be composed
in that saint’s name.

No gifts
no balloons
no lingerie.
I will spend nothing
not do anything to help the Big V.
I will have none of it
and neither shall you.

And if you have a complaint about this thing
if you believe this logic false
or these proclamations parsimonious
then take it up with Justin
who put me up to this
in the first place.

The girl in the skirt
on the sitcom with a laugh track
bends over
presenting more talent in that simple action
than most of the other stars
of the series.

The other exception,
the matronly boss,
is played by a stage star
of a prior generation.
The material is beneath her
but she gives her all
with every episode.
The show sucks
but she shines
with every line.

I wish the boss could star
in her own show
with maybe the bending girl
kept around the set
as second banana.
Those are the sole talents displayed
that I desire.

That poem you didn’t write
last night
when you were drunk
and slobbering
and a just little bloody,
the one you were about to jot down
when you closed your eyes
for a minute
waking up much later
to the bright light
of a blinding hangover
– that one…

That was a good poem.
You did good work
with that one,
all its potential unsquandered
all of its eloquence still locked
within your pulsing skull.
The poem you can’t finish
and can never show
is clearly better
than all the others
you’ve presented to audiences
absolutely unimpressed.

You should be proud of that poem
you didn’t write
and do a lot more
like it.
Please
try.

I recently read
a poem
eight words long.

It wasn’t very good.

There is the slightest possibility
you know
that if you choose to curate
take a very real effort
at picking the very best options
that you might end up producing something
you could be proud of.

If you avoid laziness
if you take a stand
if you choose to do the hard work
of searching for quality
and deciding how to best present it
and promoting it honestly and effectively
that the world will see your effort
and reward you.

The reward could be as simple as praise
or as complex as a career
but the chance of you doing your best
resulting in reaping some benefit
is quite distinct.
Something to consider
if you were of the mind to do so.

So… the letter?
The letter I wrote you
way back when?
The letter that tersely told you
everything I felt
and laid it all on the line
and gave you the ultimatum
that decided everything between us?
The letter you vehemently denied ever receiving?

The letter that proved the crux
for the rest of our relationship
– such as it was –
and our subsequent non-relationship
to boot?
I just received it
returned in the mail
nine years after.

In retrospect
I don’t know why I sent it via post.
I had your keys
at the time.

So…
sorry for the confusion
these last nine years.
What do you say
about giving it another shot?
If not
could you provide your new mailing address?

At the show
the drunk sitting next to me
is muttering loudly between songs
and also during.
He is asking questions
and is encouraging the artist onstage
but is in fact
very distracting to everyone around
mostly to me.

The drunk sitting next to me
smells of sweat and spilt beer
and is sounding increasingly angry
and dangerous.

The drunk sitting next to me
should shut the fuck up
and go home
except he’s big
and scary
and has been buying all my drinks.